The White House has released a statement disapproving the people’s petition to build a Death Star and become the most awesome government in Earth’s history: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/response/isnt-petition-response-youre-looking. Well, the Empire has a few things to say about the few things that the White House had to say about the people’s petition to build a Death Star.
Dear White House,
It has come to our attention that you are declining the people’s request to build the most powerful
weapon tool your galaxy has ever known. This is unfortunate. You listed a few key points on why, but we have a rebuttal that we hope you will take into consideration and then reflect on whether you made the right decision or not. We hope that you will change your mind and begin making your administration one which will be an administration long remembered.
“The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.”
Sure, the Death Star is going to cost a pretty penny to build, but remember, it you want to make money, you have to spend money. Yes, we know all about your little deficit, but come on, with a Death Star in your grips do you really think China is going to remember that you owe them a few bucks. What we are saying is, if you spend a fortune to build this thing, you can wipe out your debt in one fell swoop… or one push of a button. So, your point is pretty much moot here.
“The Administration does not support blowing up planets.”
Hey, no one wants to blow up a planet… mostly, but that is why YOU should be the ones to build this technological terror. Do you think that everyone out there shares your narrow view of not wanting to blow up a planet or two? Of course not. There are a number of people right now that are dying to get their hands on this technology and if they get it first, it’s all over. BUT, if you build it, you have the power to stop them and if they continue trying to rebel, then you can just evacuate all of your people off of that sorry planet and then blow them to hel… uh, we mean you’ll have the power to stop them.
“Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”
Sure, there have been some mistakes made with the Death Stars in the past, but it’s a process of trial and error. Luckily for you, you have our errors to learn from. It’s simple really, just don’t leave an open space that someone can shoot a photon torpedo into, destroying the whole thing; and DEFINITELY don’t leave an open space that someone can fly an entire space craft into and destroy the whole thing… looking back, those were some very silly mistakes, indeed!
On top of all of these points, there is also the fact that construction on a Death Star would boost your economy beyond what it has ever been. There would be no room for unemployment anymore. If someone says they can’t find a job, great, they are hired, now they are a construction worker on the most impressive architectural advancement since Frank Lloyd Write. So, you see, your argument is not a very strong one. We really hope that you will reconsider your stance on this matter. If you do reconsider, we would be more than happy to partner with you in this initiative and lend our experience and expertise. We will even send Ambassador Vader to help “motivate” your workers.